2 in the morning, or somewhere before that..
I was in my ever so-cluttered bedroom, and amidst all the hectic work that not only took over the equanimity in the tiny place but also the whole kitchen, living rooms, the small hallway upstairs, and my parents' bedroom, I laid still and restless. Even if there were more things that needed to be packed up, I could scarcely urge myself to do so. I was too disinclined to help it, besides knowing that I never want to strain the whole of me from such a preparation.
Unlike my busy Mom hurling with the empty baggages to and fro in a way like she's in a foot race while stuffing shirts, jeans, pajamas, her veils and her lingeries necessarily inside it. Not forgetting the kitchenwares, she usually handles it all with care specifically for those that involves with 'food' and 'necessities'. It doesn't bother me that much or that often, not only if I couldn't take an effort to do the same thing for my own.
Anyways.. I could see how virtually devoted I am with social sites and online entertainments, regardless. By courtesy of my Dad who installed the router for our home, I thank him (and it) for permitting me to seize the opportunity. That was why I spent time, instead of readying, giving several greetings through the Internet to the people whom I'll miss seeing them available on the line. Knowingly the impending chances of being incapable to stay 'available' as them, may arrive to come about afterwards, I spent the whole night until the last hour before dawn took over, and before the departure.
I began to feel even more reluctant to pack up my luggage for not only that.
Before this, Dad has been practically occupied with his hands all on our ever-similar Land Cruiser. Traditionally, the large hefty automobile used for any road trips and is capable to keep a bulk full of suitcases when a set of long, arduous, maybe strenuous days hits our stuffs into the back of the car and get ourselves strapped onto the seats to set off for, nonetheless, an adventuresome vacation around Kalimantan.
Yes, it was finally happening.. again. My parents and I hadn't had a week-long vacation that recently, until friends of Dad agreed with him to venture about. The last one was since a year ago, coincidently occurred in the same month as this trip.
I could say, December has a way to offer its time of the month ordinarily for us to take relieves, if that was from a someone, comforting me. But ironically I couldn't see that intention laid precisely to our resolution. In fact, most of the time that I encountered were just more additions to one's fatigue. I knew that I might sound pessimistic, but admittedly it's just.. discombobulating and amusing altogether to one's mind like mine.
You see.. for me, I got homesick easily.. and supposing that it happened, I'd tend to feel ill at ease, restless, anxious, unsafe.. you name it. It always had to do with 'worry'. I'd grizzle to myself of home, family, friends, and some sort of other things. And it co-occurred with having to cower away from the biggest fear I could not bear to even imagine; being lost. It's just too embarrassingly funny to see these listed as I express on. You might have literally think of me whining "I wanna go home," prematurely. Honestly, I wouldn't care of whining, but damn, I wished for why I would.
For years, I've been getting these all manner of weeny problems towards being not around hometown. It was and had been my childhood fear, when a little I was, who found himself in a place crowded with locals and felt deserted because he wasn't like one of them. Cunning and compelling questions became so many and began to stray within the juvenile's mind of his. Stricken by fright, he clutched his mother's hand tighter so that he knew he'd feel safer in a more dependable and firmer touch while hoping that her contact won't fail him.
But then again, things like these began to feel as if it relented itself to appear less daunting than how usually it serves..
Because I've figured ways to retain myself from such dismays. Realizing that mere excuses aren't supposed to be reasons for all the grouching towards this guiltless voyage, it's credibly astounding that it's not that hard to be able to retaliate the fright that discourages any further way. As the matter of fact, it's never wise to put down what the possible prospects may have pledged for your salutary anticipations that you've put aside.
The solemn mind that popped into my head tried its best to console myself and remarkably, it worked the hell out of me. Resolution like this would have persisted my ever-growing will from having it scarred from such imbecility.
Hiatus; the warm water shower and the cold dawn air agitated my senses, my mind was now in absolute ease and somewhat traced a slight progression already. It's as if you've learned something already. Even though it, the vacation, hasn't started yet, it seemed like it's about to begin.
I checked, and certainly it has.
I reach for my packed luggage, dash down the stairway and unite with my parents. With earnest, I pray for a safe trip as I close my eyes and sharply exhale the anxiety in exchange with the breathtaking adventure that awaits, right after hopping into the vehicle gracefully for departure.
No comments:
Post a Comment