Vague inklings

I bought a one way ticket

cause I knew I'd never see the ground

unless I was aboard a jet plane, and we were going down

  

When I wiped the tears from my eyes,

the warm water took me by surprise

and I woke up beside the ocean, I realized..

I must be in California. 

Well...... Not really California. And yes, it was just, again, a vision

Lately, back into my daydreaming, I was still in the chill-breeze-ill state, like it was as if I gagged myself with dry ice in the middle of a nowhere desert. But enough of that, anyways. So I was cold, and I've been having like two or three perpetual dreams I've ever had so far. All held out and eventually put them all out as a whole as it resumes.


There was this pyramid that involved, it was as if a mere festive occurring amidst an undergoing pilgrimage. There were people. Civilised-looking people. I repeatedly questioned myself if it was day or night. Can't really say when, where, or what it really was but there wasn't anything religious reviewing back in there so I guess it's one safe dream it seems hehe.

But the thing is! I dreamt of You. In there! yeah. The gist of all was that there was a changing back in the view of how I see you. It's as if.. you came out of a closet and abruptly, i see you in a different light. Somewhat, there was a salutary alteration in a reverie itself.

In my dream, we had to hug. There was a little strong affection going on in between those very tiny bits of other things in ourselves. It was such an awkward task that was told from someone of somewhere, somewhere like a place deep inside that we both might have been familiar with. Was it.. ...? I would JUST hope you have the similar notion as what I have in mind as well.

Afterwards that wonderment, the time held back from elapsing

Out of the blue, you applied your unbearably devotion.

 you seemed committed to some purpose, yearningly

Feelings of an ardent love I would have conceive you have shown

You were just.. smiling. Kept on smiling.

And finally. Everything started to feel numb. I couldn't feel your arms anymore. 

Exaggeratedly, your scent I sensed slowly fades away.

Then in a flash,

I've met myself alone again. Fully unmesmerized from my rest.

Yes. I was pretending you were there again. Like the times when you were still there. Like how I would even see you in downtown and in the cities. Your hair swayed, increasing my attention, and coincidently at the same time when I actually needed somebody like you. Your eyes gaining irresistibility, I never wanted to take away the sight that it seemed so darting in a way to me. I wonder so awfully, the beauty that lies beyond that eyes. If that's already seductive, then I wonder how colourful the scene your heart portray. A scene with the colours evincing those indefinite picturesque reverence of yours that anybody or anyone wouldn't even bear to fully agnize those incoherent means of love, except for those sincerely ones who has the true will, able to empathize the sweet, tender value.

 I even fear if there was actually a list for that, because, I've fallen to my face in shame of failure and unnecessarily expelled by the urge of my dignity. But optimistically, I still have one slim chance left to resolve.

Somehow, I strongly wish and feel like bringing back those old times and probably take a chance with you back home. If there was a myth that broke out, introducing the occult itself to me, and grant its magical abilities of some sort regarding time. I honestly will risk it all by all means for you.

How long has it been like this? 

The longing of you actually brings out rather uncanny dreams to me 

and it seems to be bringing itself to an upmost new level, 

that it triggers the realization in myself..

and I don't need to elaborate myself
there's no need for questioning anymore

as I already know

the answer lies ahead,

What's there without you here?

                                                                .............. nothing..

Exactly.

Parting

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I just woke up actually. At this time.

11.32pm

                                                This meaaaaaaaaaaaaaans,

                                                A long night waiting ahead of me. Again.

I hope I didn't jynxed that though. But, heh, I can care less anyway! 

Oh. So I was just taking a nap earlier. Cause if my limbs weren't stiff and tired I wouldn't be so much of in fatigue and take a rest stop at the WRONG TIME. Yeah. I slept in the evening around 8 and woke up around 11. So..

when I actually realized that after I woke up..

I've become like one of this guy right there.
For some absolute no comprehend-able idea why

Even now I feel like it's morning. And although I might think that would sound weird but if I told you that I felt so good and refreshed and say that I felt like today's a morning after that then... you might call it at precise rate that it may sound double as it is weird for me to say.



Oh, and I've never had too much of the 'morning freshness' every time I woke up from bed. But simply, right now and still, I've felt it like it was morning a while ago. Wouldn't it be nice when you woke up from the bed and still wearing your favourite jeans that after you overworked it with a lot of walking and running with your friends, hanging around in the mall? Well, it does for me.. and that usually happens when I was out like a light.

And finally it was now for me to tell you that I just had a hangout with my dear friends in the Mall and went to watch a movie and just.. roam around the community. The fact that has been known by hard about how it is unlikely possible to meet each other again.. or meeting each other with our school uniforms ever again. It's sad as it will cease. But, I say that, we all human beings with feelings to stumble around with the resolution to this matter in addition, should actually bear the consequences whether it's a pitiful side in the other hand or a pleasing side. Mostly would actually find it saddening, I do not know for people so malefic tend to have for someone's back. 

Anywho, I can't express on so much about how I will miss the people that I've longed studied with. The people that I've longed enjoying jokes and interesting chats with. The people that I've longed savour for the long upcoming exemption alongside. The people that I've longed for to celebrate with after the aftermath of what we have longed to study for, with the merriment of joy. Because when the final exams are over, we earn our treasures truthfully and finally; Freedom. And often not much of people would initially think about the fears towards the fact about unable to see each other again any longer, in a hefty, packed, full combination of ourselves, a group, a team, and safe to call it, as a class.

As much to how saddening it is to me inside. I fear for them as they would part ways as I will, I would be missing them too. I have been spending a lot of times with the ones I cherish my time with. Most of them are just as equal to me. They're my friends if you know the heck I'm saying.
 I love you all, too much, I'll talk excessive crazy things..

Sometimes. 

Yeah. As soon as it's over. We'll part ways and have it our own ways.

And now's the time.

Dear Friends,

I'll miss you

Antiseptics are antagonists to my anti-anaesthesia-ism

3.23am.

Woke up with a sudden realization after several doses of pills and antiseptics taken from this afternoon.

Trembling, I saw my hands when I raised them to see it for myself; cold and agitated. My head perspired and mouth laid open to take adequate amount of air while I felt my heart for a while. It was almost thumping on its most irregular basis, unfavourable to my neck and shoulders that kept on juddering, the causes in addition to my cough-aches. My throat, that seem like I'm swallowing daggers, distressingly inducing the pain to my whole self and which seems to be the most vital torturing part of my illness today.

Yes, I've got colds.

I soon figured that I've been going through these a lot of times. I know how the usual occurrences take place and the ones might causing dismay to my inner self, though it's quite obscured to any person's sight. I never tend to deliberately do so unless it's an anguish so terrible and unbearable, then I've might.



But what I should actually say is that I'm quite in a decent mood right now. My throat soothed and made me feel a little less weak now. But I still do need to continue resting for the sake of recovery. There's nobody in the house that's still up in this early dawn but still, I'm not even afraid of anything. I've got will and myself alone, to write about now whilst me drinking my milo which was hot and left on this table before I slept. I even got my medicine ready right here. Very awful. I don't intent to even look at it by the sight of its dreadful bitterness and a shockingly foul taste to my taste buds.

But obliged, this is the only way for me to get back on to my feet, ready and steady. And also this helps me to put myself into sleep, although that sounded detrimental towards my sleeping habit. Though there are no other words for 'nocturnal' in terms with the means of science, so I pretty guess I'll name it 'anti-anaesthesia-ism'.


I'll get back soon enough. With exactly two more papers to go for this O' levels. Freedom in just 4 or 3 more days to go and finally we all get to do something fun like we don't care anymore. Exciting. Fun. Everyone's talking about it. But I surely don't know which ones to start with after I've earned mine. My list are as messy as my room is.

So until then. I'll update furthermore sooner.

I'm quite exhausted for now. Good 'dawn' ! :)